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Ponderings...
Does this sound familiar? “I think I feel ____.” This is impossible. There are facts and feelings. We can’t think how we feel. Until I learned this, I was really good at thinking how I felt or so I thought.
grew denser – I lost connectedness with my essence – my energy and focus went to keeping that shell in tact between me and others. I wouldn’t let anyone get that close. The shell acted as my shield to survive. I remember a friend who reads palms shared that my head and my heart weren’t connected and I’d disagree. I knew I was sensitive and had feelings. Buttons being pushed are a direct link to unfinished issues that are pain. We can rationalize it, and attempt to fix the situation externally with counseling or other mind filling tools and the pain may diffuse a bit, however in the background that pain continues to influence our choices and decisions. Last weeks Ponderings I wrote about what you don’t own owns you. Here’s an example of this thinking/feeling concept in action: Recently I recognized that I had a HOT button around chronic TV watching. Ok, so here’s where my head / intellectual shell kicked in: I can rationalize that my children’s father along with my dad watched it, thus I felt ignored. I can also add that I’m very active and prefer doing things rather than sitting for hours being a TV expert. While all of this has merit, I continued to feel emotionally charged. With further exploring the source of my discontent, I realized it provokes me to see someone sitting while I’m obsessed with working and if I dare take time off, I’d consider myself to be lazy and if I did, I’d prove my mother right – anyone who sits on their hinny and watches hours of TV is worthless. Oh boy, the feelings appeared and I purged. This was a bingo. |
A Pushed Button
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I think the biggest thing is that
you helped me tap into what I
knew was inside of me. You
are a big part of gaining my
confidence back as a person
in the work place and as an
individual. I really appreciate
all you have done. The time
and effort you put in was very
much appreciated and
respected.