If men knew the basics, then couples would be happier, and lawyers would have to concentrate on
real estate. —Dr. David Lake
I admit to often making jokes about “testosterone poisoning” when explaining male behavior. There is
no doubt that our drives and our needs are strong and often primitively simple. Of course, on one level
we know that. And on another, it is extremely helpful to be bopped upside the head with some humor
and directness about what it takes to be successful in relationship.
It’s never too late to catch up on what women have known about relationships for centuries.
After all, marriage was invented by women, for women and families. Men invented the harem.
The core message is that people don’t necessarily understand marriage and relationships, but they
do understand friendship. He makes this pointed advice to men:
Guys, you would never treat your best friend to the kind of withering criticism that you have
inflicted on her (your loved one) in the past (or the present—shame, shame). If you did, your
friend would move further down the bar and refuse to drink with you. Getting back to simple
things like friendship puts a lot of marriages on an even keel.
Granted, living with someone brings any problems into sharp contrast. Yet, if we are treating,
respecting, and acting as a devoted friend FIRST and FOREMOST, don’t many of those issues get
resolved without permanent hurts? David, of course, recommends strongly the use of *EFT for
relationships. *EFT allows us to grow and heal without requiring the other person to change first.
The Job Description
It is fascinating to me how easily most women can be happy in a relationship if the little things are
done right. But they have to be HER little things. It really isn’t hard to figure out what these little things
are, either. Women focus a lot of attention on these little things, these little thoughtful considerations,
as markers of the health of the relationship. David refers to these simple acts as bringing
disproportionate credit, especially when we help without being asked. I’ll give you an example.
The towels are not stored in our bathroom but in a closet down the hall. It’s COLD to walk out of a
steamy bathroom down to the closet and back, which one has to do if you don’t have a reasonably
dry towel to use. So, one day I noticed that I used the last towel, and I got my wife a fresh towel from
the closet and placed it on the toilet. It was better than if I had slayed a dragon for her! I was her hero,
someone who took just a few moments to do something simple and thoughtful without being asked.
And the rewards, guys, for this kind of thoughtfulness is WAY out of proportion to the effort. (Try it for
a month, live it every day for a lifetime of lovin’!)
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